Friday, October 23, 2015

It's A Pretty Messed Up Situation

I don't want to fill this place with the frustrations of politics so while I exasperate in real life, over the EVEL vote that has seen Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland MPs become second class in our supposedly united parliament, online I hide in Pinterest.

Thank the gods for pretty things to distract but I bloody love Pinterest.  As a visual person it just makes my dreary life that little bit brighter. It sounds as though I am overstating it but on dark days, an hour spent dithering around looking at things I would love to wear, places I'd love to go, art I love, projects I want to do, can extinguish a dark or sad mood. It's like flicking through the pages of a magazine but much, much, much better.

I'll be on there quite a lot considering that, since the General Election in May, it has been a relentless wave of sewage coming from Westminster and the stink is getting unbearable.

Time for some avoidance techniques as there is nothing that can be done and I haven't the strength or the income to emigrate.
Flick, flick, flick...and breathe...

Monday, October 19, 2015

The Perfect Level Of Spook

Not for me are the slasher horror films, stunningly predictable as the protagonists all go off alone to look for the source of the creepy noise.  In the dark.

Scary, I don't think so.

Instead I love this time of year when I'm introduced to spooky joys that sneak into the psyche and linger, playing malevolently with my mind.  Throughout my childhood I was terrified by Rabbie Burn's Tam O'Shanter as discussed previously.  You can listen to Brian Cox read it here, I won't be (fearty!)

Some may find this to be pretty mediocre in terms of shock horror value but it makes me wickedly gleeful.

And then there is also this.  I love being pointed in the direction of such gems at this time of the year.

Roll on the end of the month 'Weel done, Cutty Sark!'

The very scene that would have a young TIBS quavering.
(On a side note - some of my favourite lines of poetry are in there too
Gathering her brows like gathering storm,

Nursing her wrath to keep it warm.

And there you go.)

Thursday, October 15, 2015


And sometimes you just have to let the ME win, even before the day has started.

Well played stupid illness, well played.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Running, Standing Still

That pretty much sums up my relationship with technology.  Just as I think I've caught up, that I am semi-competent I suddenly find out things have moved on several paces and I'm back to knowing nothing at all.

It's exhausting and my tired old brain is addled trying to stay on top of it all.

I've thought on making a website, using one of those free sites of course (free being in my budget at the moment).  It all looked fairly simply but after about five minutes I gave up.  I knew where I wanted to go but damn it if I could actually get there!

One point of satisfaction tonight came as I discovered the uses of the block button on certain social media.  There is someone who has caused a lot of grief amongst members of an organisation I am involved in.  While I am luckily not tied into their disagreement the sheer brass-neck of the person had annoyed me.  I can't help it.  This whole sense of injustice, over people standing up and taking ownership of their actions, whether they be dick actions or not, drives me to distraction.

I was once again in danger of blundering in, of having everyone side with this person against the bad person picking on her.  And she is the type to greatly enjoy that, indeed it is part of this whole grief manifesto she has going.

Block, block, blockity, block.

And now she is no more!

I can merrily go about my business without that thorn digging in every time I see another "look at me, I'm this organisations best thing ever" post.


I need to do this more often.  I get bogged down with people like that.  Now technology has offered me a way out, probably could have done with finding it out earlier but never mind.  I'm there and no doubt come tomorrow there will be another thousand things I could also do that I will find out about...someday...

Monday, October 12, 2015

Home or Away?

I have an addiction to programmes featuring people wanting to buy houses in Spain or France.  In fact it is becoming a source of amusement as I have a rant button that is pushed any time I hear the phrase "expat community" or "don't need to learn the language" or, one recent statement "I prefer egg and chips to Spanish food"! 'Sake!

Cue gasp of frustration and quick tweet of annoyance.  I can't help it.  My tolerance levels have completely bottomed out and in a way I'm jealous that these people are getting the opportunity to move abroad.  Although some of these retired expat stuffed estates would be a fate worse than death.

If I were in this situation when the boys were still in primary school, both parents gone, nothing and no one keeping me here, we'd already have made for somewhere else.  Am I using their proximity to important exams as an excuse - maybe?

It is scary, it is daunting, the fact there is only me now.  I have no one to discuss these matters with, no one to advise or help plan.  So it's all on my shoulders.  I just know the few times I have gone somewhere warm my ME/CFS hasn't been as nasty to me, or perhaps that is because I'm relaxed anyway.

Once the exams are done the mortgage will also have been paid.  Could I leave, the desire is strong.  After the referendum last year I gave up on seeing a progressive Scotland, one I'd be happy and proud of.  Instead it's wallowing in the misery brought by a selfish government we once again did not vote for but that is what people bizarrely chose.  I don't feel any wish to stay here for the rest of my life now. I love Lanzarote but could I live there permanently amongst the volcanoes, embarrassing the memory of Cesar Manrique with my dabblings?  I don't have the money to travel as extensively as I'd like, to see as many places as I could with the boys, so researching places is limited.

I watch these tv shows; I sigh at the lovely homes, cringe at the "made for expat" ones and the whole idea of owning a property rather than a home.  I dream of moving, learning to speak the language properly, perhaps for once fitting in somewhere.  I wonder if I will ever be brave enough.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Hands Off!

On a rather balmy October afternoon I joined a couple of thousand people on the Forth Road Bridge in protest against proposed fracking and UGE/UCG.

It felt good to be part of something, to fight against the profit hungry companies who pressure governments by dangling a few jobs and hang the environmental consequences.  While the companies mumble about "test" drilling, basically a foot in the door, the proof is in already fracked places - communities suffering in Australia and the US. So off I trotted, to hold hands with strangers, as we attempted to send a message.

On a day like today it was good to remind myself what it is we stand to lose.

They're building a new bridge across the Forth, the water is already polluted from nuclear submarines the UK government are allowing to rot in dock and various horrible things dumped by previous governments. What is left to protect, must be protected, cleaned and preserved or there will be nothing in future.

Friday, October 09, 2015

Pow! It's The Finish Line!

Your highs and lows for the month:

Well I could start with a low that I have a croaky throat and cough that could bring up a lung. I've been getting heavy hints all day to step in and take over a situation when all I want is a rest.  That is not what this challenge prompt means though, I don't think so at least.  The cough medicine I'm taking has one hell of a kick so I'm probably at the point where I don't really care!

So, start with the Eeyore moments -

The lows were the amount of times I felt I was looking back at things I cannot change.  It almost felt like a pity party.  There is no way to change the past and I have a bad habit sometimes of dwelling there and becoming all morose by over thinking all those mistakes and missed opportunities.

Perhaps it's a good thing to get it all out, to stop constant "whatiffery". A good bellyache and done.  Eh, yeah, we'll go with that.

As for the highs, well having written more through this than I have for a while it's beginning good habits I won't allow to lapse.  I've written other pieces, not online, which may lead somewhere or just serve as sketching for the bigger picture.

It's also made me think, reassess, look at where I am.  For the past few years it's been all about the ME/CFS, the coping, the understanding, the frustrations.  There isn't much I can do about it but I can't let it win, even the days where getting out of bed feels monumental I can't.

And now I'm waffling.

That's never going to stop.  The waffling.

But I feel like this...

...even if I couldn't possibly hold that pose for long!

Thursday, October 08, 2015

Limping To The Finish Line - It's Day 29

What are your goals for the next 30 days -

This would be a "what lessons have we learned" post again but to be honest the last week hasn't been a great example of the fact that I want to continue regularly writing on here for the next 30 days and beyond.

I fell almost at the finish line, picked myself up... and I'm going to stop that analogy right there.

I do wish to start writing again, even if it is only for my own eyes.  I can entertain myself, might as well!  It's going to be a busy month, no break this year, so it will be interesting to see what state I am in 30 days from now, especially as the rushing around of the last week has brought out a sore throat and back ache, my ME/CFS alarm bells are ringing.

There are other '30 Days' prompts I might use, by the time I get around to thinking of what to post my brain has usually switched off so it's good to have a sort of cheat sheet.  If it starts good habits then it will be worth it.

I have this picture on my vision board (yes I have one, judge if you will).  It's where I would like to be, writing, sketching, watching the world go by from some little cafe.

Monday, October 05, 2015

Oops, Day 28 A Little Late

That commitment I made, which I've written about previously, kind of got in the way of the commitment I made to do this and not fall by the wayside.

As excuses go I'll stick with it. Did you miss me? No, didn't think so.

Post five things that make you laugh out loud:

With the power of YouTube...

I am never not going to find that funny. Some pranks are cruel, some go too far but this is genuis!

I do believe if he could talk, my eldest cat would have a similarly laconic drawl apart from the American accent that is.

I can't believe this must be about 20 years old, it's just as funny no matter how many times an episode is viewed.  I downloaded a box set of episodes and introduced my sons to the joy of Father Ted, each generation a new fan base is created.  I believe this is called 'timeless'.

Similarly, I just think The IT Crowd had spectacularly funny moments and seeing my sons get the humour renews my enjoyment in them. Peter File...fnar!

Finally, on my theme of things I've rediscovered on viewing it with my sons...Airplane!  Completely forgot how many daft little jokes there were in it - some very close to the bone, I doubt they'd be permitted now.  There's a scene, with people on the luggage carousel, that had my eldest boy laugh so hard he nearly injured himself.