Monday, December 28, 2009

Eight years ago on this night...

I was lying in a hospital bed feeling very, very large and cumbersome and wishing that the two little aliens tumbling about in my vast stomach would come out. 

They needed to you see, even though it was a few weeks before they were due their grand entrance. 

There I lay,tucked into uncomfortable scratchy nylon sheets in a too warm ward surrounded by horrendous decor (really would it be too much to choose a *nice* colour?)  Alone, which was prophetic in a way, wanting to see my babies so much.  Waiting and waiting for them to decide to begin the twinge that would indicate things were happening and the gel (oh they don't tell you about where they put the *gel* do they!) had finally worked.  Because if it didn't work then it would need to be under the knife.

My mind chased with thoughts and dreams and wishes.  I could never have presumed what would eventually happen although the signs were already there.  My priorities had changed, from the first moment the stick turned blue on a cool day in early June.  My priorities had changed indeed and left him behind.  The desires of a nurturing soul are much different from a selfish soul and too often they cannot be brought together.

I slept that night, despite the monitors strapped to my stomach drumming out the beat of their hearts.  Or perhaps because of that.  Because for every night since I have given thanks that they were born healthy, hearty and whole.  Two tough little cookies; two wonderful little boys; two totally independent and interesting Hobbits.  And I am so glad I am their mother, I am so glad I've gotten to know such little men.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Just dance...gonna be okay...

The Hobbits had a dance recital at school this week.  Part of their gym class I suppose, I usually hear fragments of what is going on until the last minute but their gym teacher gives each class a theme and they do a little dance routine according to that theme.  Youngest Hobbit's class did a sort of Highland-crossed-with-Irish dance while Eldest Hobbit's class did a very impressive "kaleidescope" with his part being one of the green team.

All in all it was good fun.  I know the Hobbits love to dance although dance classes are completely out of the question as that is "girls stuff" and therefore not to be considered at all.  Which is a shame.  Still, while there is MTV there is always the opportunity to dance around the living room without a care in the world.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


Oh crap

What did I say again?  New starts and all that - blah, blah, blah.  It feels like an endless rush at the moment.

On the plus side I have a lovely photograph of another Guide Dog pup (who lives with another walker but for whom I have always had a soft spot - point; for the dog and not the walker this soft spot occurs.  I do not travel down that particular route for relationships.  FFS get on with it...)

Yeah, so, I have a cute photo and I'm sure current Andrex hopeful lying snoozing on the rug at the moment is jealous.  I was hugging youngest Hobbit earlier after an incident where I accidentally bashed him on the head with the corner of a book (he moved forward, I was reaching toward the bookcase with said very-heavy book in hand - bang.)  Anywhatthehellissheontonight, much tears ensued and as I gave comfort to him I was getting big sad, look-at-me-mummy eyes from pooch.  He then dunks his head on my lap next to sniffling Hobbit, like I needed another hint.  Honestly.  But at the same point I couldn't do without.

I really need a decent night sleep, I think *that* is evident.  Especially from this rambling nonsense.  But then sometimes I like to think that as I send this out to the ether then someone might raise a smile from it.  Or call the men in white coats.  Whatever comes first.

Interestingly I have noticed that I no longer swear as much as I used to.  Except when I'm driving then I'm a right Gordon Ramsey.  But being a singleton without the stress of a dead weight marriage strangling you will do that I suppose.  Ah.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Once again this time with feeling...

I'm keen on the concept of recycling so won't be ashamed of using a photo that is a couple of years old.  Particularly when that photo has Paris giving the evil side-eye from underneath the tree.  The decorations haven't changed much anyway.  Is this all sounding a bit ho-hum?

I don't mean to be, occasionally I will admit to having the same thoughts that were running through Paris's mind at time of capture here.  On the most though things are going fine at the moment and I won't say more than that as I wouldn't like to curse it all.

The presents are bought and hidden, the plans are being made and it will be a relief to stay at home all Christmas Day - I won't even pretend that it will be relaxing in any shape or form.  Oh hell where am I going with this.  I don't believe in New Years Resolutions but I do wish to nurture this little blog of mine a little more if only to write this tosh and not have it messing up around my weary head.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Where does all the time go?

It runs past so quickly I really want to trip it up and slow things down for a while but that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

So much is happening I can barely catch my breath and to be honest I am still being relied upon for everything by everybody which isn't always the ideal situation.  Correction, it isn't the ideal situation at all at all or I wouldn't be online at this time trying to catch up with everything that is falling by the wayside.

There will come a time where I can get back to the old organised me and I look forward to that.  It doesn't matter much in the grand scheme of things but it matters to me.

When I turn my face to the cold winter sun and close my eyes I can remember Portugal.

(Yes the simple little package holiday really did mean that much to old stressy head here.)