Monday, October 31, 2016

Samhain Ramblings Of A Lost Mind

I may be still pinging around like a pinball in an arcade machine but there is clarity ahead. A clarity that might just see me open this blog to the viewing public so I better start editing and stop writing daft guff all the time for my own amusement.

2016 has been a rum old year, full of weirdness and not the kind of weirdness that will ever be looked back on fondly. Next month might see a new American President whose campaign has put me in mind of the society in A Handmaid's Tale - a fine book but you wouldn't want to live there.

One thing this year is doing right is autumn. There is a welcome chill in the air, the trees are wearing their finest fiery clothes in their last gasp before winter slumber. It's the season for soups and cosy gloves and is heartily needed, a freshness in the air after such a stale summer.

So, bring it on November, I see you and raise you the challenge of the previous months. Be kind, be generous and let this year slip out without any further horror stories from the powerful, the mess that was the Brexit vote was enough.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

A Month is a Very Short Time

Busy yourselves while I try to compose myself. Here, look at the pretty picture.

I should be there right now, not here. Short of a lottery win or success then that ain't happening. Look at the colours, feel the warmth...and relax - squeak!

It's been a month of doing lots and getting nowhere. So pretty much the same old, same old. I seem to be standing still at the moment and while that is normally not something too concerning, it is when you are attempting to push forward and get work going.

Typically, I feel paralysed by self-doubt, I want to run away and hide but at the same time face things and fight them head on. I've lost confidence in any bare talent I had. How can I expect someone to have faith in me when I doubt myself so much?

It was all easy when I was a salaried nobody. I'm still a nobody but this time, no salary to fall back on. I really want to make this work but I shy away from self-promotion which is the sign of an idiot. This lack of grit is galling but also extremely worrying, I have no idea why I'm getting nowhere (apart from the obvious which I have just stated).

I know what I need to do but not how to get noticed, despite the courses I've taken and the seminars I've sat through. This is not the life for a humble introvert!

What am I babbling on about?

Well, I decided to become self-employed; proofreading, editing, content writing, Uncle Tom Cobley and all. My syntax may be woeful on here but I seem to score well on aptitude tests so I must be doing something correct. To think that I used to get any job I went for, how spoiled did that make me?

(Why is it *always* so much easier to write about and promote someone else? Why? It's not fair!)