Tuesday, March 24, 2009

'Bye Dad

I know now what it feels like to lose a parent.

My dad died at 6;50 pm after taking a turn for the worse. He went peacefully and sometimes you cannot ask for more than that. After weeks of illness, of careless falls in a ward where I wouldn't send my worst enemy, he ended up in a caring ward and that is how he left us.

And it feels...weird. Oh certainly the sadness is there, like a heavy blanket laying across me but to know that the person who has been there my whole life is gone feels just odd. There is no other way to put it. I have so many memories, the Hobbits have wonderful memories of their Grandpa.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Is The Trough Not Empty Yet?

While our esteemed Members of Parliament seem to be able to gleefully exploit their expenses (or should that be renamed the pot of gold and be done with it?) without a care, I wonder - these people are allowed tax money to buy a second home plus furnishings etc. etc.... when I'd just like enough to buy one small home for me and my boys. And I know everyone would feel similar, particularly those who are having their homes repossessed because they bought into the Noo Liebour lifestyle.

Ah but then, that would be seen as scrounging and that is much different - isn't it?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

tinker tinker tinker

I hate shopping but it is time for a change of clothes. The colours suit me, non?

Hello Goodbye

Sadly this is not my swan song.

Do swan's sing? I have no idea. They do hiss, that is for sure.

What was my point in doing this? Oh yes, to wave goodbye to a week where, despite the sunshine and warm happy domestic glow I get from Spring aired laundry, I just couldn't shake a horrible fug I felt.

I don't know what it was, the current situations that are swarming around me perhaps. That would make sense. I suppose everyone feels a little lost now and again and it is hard sometimes to find a way back or even to remember the reason why you should.

Carry on like this and it will be a blog renamed for the sheer nonsense I spout.

Normal service will resume, no, I shouldn't say that as normal might be construed as meaning I won't bother to write and for my sake I really should...okay I promise myself that I will once again venture to begin writing some sense. Now where did I put it?

Friday, March 20, 2009

Its been a long time baby....

This year has, so far, been something made of chaos. I should really keep on track of things better but never mind. Days become weeks become months...wait, where is this going exactly? Jeez I'm full of nonsense sometimes - now actually.

To say my head has not been in the right place this year would be an understatement on the extremely massive scale. Needless to say the niggles in my life remain the same, in fact with an unbearable smugness that would drive a pacifist to violence they seem to be getting worse. At this fragment of time I couldn't care less. I have this whole situation with my dad still in hospital, coming this close to loosing him physically when mentally he has been gone from us for a while. It is amazing that, while I realise it would be a blessing for him I don't feel ready to say goodbye yet. Completely selfish and completely irrational.

The Hobbits remain a constant in my life, the anchor without who I would drift away. It may seem ridiculous to be so sentimental in this era of emotional detachment but I have long since stopped caring what others may think. Everything feels like a struggle, it is as though no one wants to do their job properly anymore. It takes less effort to do a job well but some take pride in being obstinately incompetent.

I ramble...it isn't contagious.