Thursday, September 23, 2010

Tip me a wink in the morning Mr. Sunshine won't you?

There is a definite autumnal snap in the air and in twenty-one days we'll be jetting off for a much (desperately) needed holiday.  So at this moment everything else seems to reek a little of poo;  I've just had yet another blow from the ex that lets me know there are many people out there who believe I am a monster bitch of an ex-wife thanks to the lies he feeds them and at the moment I have to take it as I can't retaliate until the final piece of the jigsaw goes in and then he'll get his; house buying has hit more trouble and if it ever happens I'll die of shock; job at the moment isn't so much meh as "do I have to go?" and I'm getting more than a little pissed off at how my sons seem to miss out on every opportunity at school in favour of certain children who are always top pick.  Everything is on a low and there doesn't appear to be any easy answers ready for me to snatch up.  In fact there are never any easy answers so we'll mark that one down as a myth.

The hurdles I have to jump get higher.

Still, I carry on.  I have to.  I could really just lie down and sleep for eternity but I am made of sterner stuff, like the bloody Titanic I am and there are no icebergs around here I thank you.

I wouldn't say I'm keeping upbeat.  No reasonably sane person could if they had to deal with the amount of utter snash that I have to.  But I am keeping up.  Just.  When it gets like this I downsize.  I don't look to the future especially when it looks as bleak as it currently does.  Instead I take what pleasure I can from simplicity.  That little cross-stitch I'm working on, the little drawing I'm doing, walking our boy (dog not either of the human ones), watching the Hobbits build their Lego or train models, reading together, watching films even if I have to sit through Star Trek...again..., that article in a magazine that resonates with me, that song I hear that brings a wry smile as I acknowledge the words that chime with me.

It is what you do to survive.  At some point things will pick up, if not for me then I'll make it through to when the Hobbits are up and running and I'll ensure they don't end up with this kind of existence. That will be my reason to go on.

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