I have a problem. Not a major problem and I am sure many would hashtag it as a "firstworldproblem" which is patronising and condescending in both meaning and action.
Anyway I have a problem. I'm crap at lying. Oh I don't mean the little white lies: the "of course I don't mind you being late", the "that dress is fine" even the "no, no, I'm fine". I mean the great big fanciful whoppers. The ones told that when found out make me always puzzle at the effort put in by people not usually known for their sparkling imagination. With my reputation I rarely get asked for an opinion they don't want to here, tactfully put is what occurs after I've said it.
This is a problem mainly because when someone then tells an untruth about me, well I would travel the world to prove it wrong if I could. It has happened often and every time has been infuriating.
Yesterday it happened again and in such a peculiar way.
So, back story time. Since last year there has been a cracking great gap in the fence between our garden and the woman next-door's. Previously known as nutty neighbour due to her behaviour she is now known as nasty neighbour and suddenly I see why other neighbours are feart of her.
I bought some hedging plants to replace the fence, to join on to the existing hedge. Out I go, merrily digging away a small trench where the fence was and not on her side of the boundary. Out she comes shouting and swearing and all of a sudden making accusations that I called the social workers on her because her 15 year old daughter "was seen having sex in a field". Well now.
That is one way to broadcast to the entire neighbourhood what your kid gets up to. The long and short of it is, she threatened to tell social workers on me (possibly for random hedge planting, I don't know) and also to punch my face. Both of which I dared her to do - what? I was boiling angry by then.
I dislike the fact I lowered myself to her level and gave twice as good as I got. I dislike the fact she said such horrible things like they were fact. She said her social worker told her it was me and a quick call will be getting made to the department on Tuesday, even the bank holiday is annoying me now.
My inability to smooth over life with a coating of lies has once again caused me irritation. I just cannot let it lie.
(Note on gap-in-the-fence fixingfrom advice given by both lawyer and property expert friends - I'm in the right. Also I would have told her had I not made it my priority to avoid all contact with her for matters I may inflict on here at some point. And that's before mentioning that all other neighbours do the same.)