T'internet

Okay, so this is the problem and for once I am finding it hard to come up with a solution.

Here I am at the library, where I usually do my studying. I don't usually go on the computers but since I have been cut off at home I have no choice.

Did you not pay your bill silly girl? I hear you ask. Well, actually I did but you see as the account is in buggerlug's name the internet provider will not discuss it with me. Not at all.

Whereas I never had much issue with getting everything else changed over, phone, utilities etc. This is where I have come a cropper good an' proper one too! (Sorry was watching Lark Rise to Candleford last night, heavy influence on tired brain.)

The internet provider, name and shame - TISCALI. Apparently as He is on the account, He has to phone, cancel the account and then I have to wait (and this is the biscuit right here) 45 days until I can get online. As they have left a marker on my account I don't seem to have an option but while I try and think what to do next I have to catch up on all the things I do online here, at the library.

This is the sound of my head hitting against a brick wall.

Revolutions

No, not a typo.

The New Year doesn't really start for me until the Hobbits return to school on Monday. At the moment we are still bobbing along on a post-Christmas fug. The house is a tip, I have more recycling than space and have squashed the bin down as far as it will go (two weeks without a pick up because no one realised they would turn up on Saturday at 6am!)

Last year is over and I decided, in the wee small hours that are mine now I no longer sleep properly, that this year has to improve. Financially this year will be guff for a lot of people, so a problem shared (only I bet they weren't stupid enough to trust my ex with their household finances! Hey, you live and learn.)

This year I prioritise what is important, I will not rush into things because I feel it is expected of me or that others might think less of me. The opinion of others has never meant less to me than it does right now. I will take better care of myself, if the Hobbits are happy I am too but I really need to get healthier mentally and physically.

It is important for me to succeed at my OU courses to do the one thing I was told I would never achieve because it presumably wasn't for people like me. I've decided also that I want a job which is more suitable and not so liable to change in hours (childcare will see to that.) I also won't jump at the first opportunity but at the right opportunity because financially work will leave me worse off. It is for the self-esteem I will be doing it.

All these things I wish to do this year. So not so much resolutions, I don't make them anyway, but ideas I want to live by.

Running With The Buffalo

As the minutes tick by I ignore my sad and pathetic lack of Hogmanay festivities and ponder this...don't mess with the buffalo, especially if they have family.

Four Hours Fifteen Minutes Left

Here is to 2008 and may it bring better times.

To end this sorry excuse of a year we celebrated the Hobbits turning 6 on Saturday. Good times: I spent the previous night filling their beds with balloons saying "6 Today!" while they slept ("And I didn't even wake up, when did you do that mummy?" They ask incredulously the next morning.) I put silver Happy Birthday banners in the kitchen as ours was to be a morning celebration. (Note, DO NOT buy Doctor Who Tardis birthday cakes - it tastes rank and you just have to end up making one of your own.)

Then a trip to Dynamic Earth followed by the cinema with their father and his gf. See, I called his bluff, reminded him that despite his ego it wasn't a day for his hysteria and pathetic points-scoring but for the Hobbits. I have realised that he has a script he has to attend to before becoming reasonable and accepting ideas. My idea of him taking the boys on Saturday evening had to go through the whole set-up before he got to the point where he came to his senses.

Regardless the Hobbits had a wonderful time which is what it is about. Job done.

I don't know what this next year will bring. I know that I am going to do what I want and not what others expect of me. My priorities are the Hobbits, my depleted family and building us up to a stronger point. To do that I know I will upset others but sod it, I've spent so long trying to please everyone and do what they want and look where it got me.

This year is about us.

Lesson Learned

As moaned about in t'other blog. There are lessons to be learned, and I have definitely taken heed of this one.

Time to step back and slow down the pace. I cannot do everything.

Yum

Starting a new tradition. Earlier this month I bought a special cake mould, didn't quite get the sponge mix right, followed a recipe I already had instead of doing the one that came with the mould. Nevermind as the Hobbits had a great time decorating and then demolishing.

Did I Mention?

To say hello to Jack and Rory, our two new fish. I've been trying to get a decent photo of them since getting them and as seen here, I'm still trying! However they are very interested in the decorations.

It Was A Merry Christmas

Not my house and not my cat, or the tree would be listing badly.

For laughs.

Twas The Day Before Christmas

If I could bottle the energy of excitement emanating from the Hobbits I could power a town for a year, thus making us rich and solving our problems in one, haha!

The presents are wrapped, except for the important ones but we all know Santa's elves wrap them don't we. Ahem.

He is still causing a fuss but never mind, it is of little consequence to the day itself as I made sure I had everything on their list so whatever he brings, if he brings anything at all, will be additional rather than something that would be missed.

It has been a difficult year to climb over, nearly at the top and soon we will find out if there is either another mountain to climb on the other side or something much more pleasant. I know what my Santa wish is for.

For anyone who reads this, if anyone does at all, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and all that it brings.

Gods Way Of Eking Out The Stupid

See here for example.

36

Lets try on 36 and hope it is a better fit than 35 was because, seriously, that was not a vintage year.

Yesterday was my birthday, if you live anywhere near us you would probably know that as the Hobbits delighted in telling anyone and everyone that it was my birthday - and mummy is 36 dontcha-knoo!

At least it is kinder than at the weekend when, on the packed full bus heading to Edinburgh youngest Hobbit asked if I was going to be 51. Where he got that from I don't know but I did see a few discreet and not so discreet glances from the other passengers.

I hear the neighbours (who incidentally haven't spoken to me since He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named left) have bought a kareoke machine for Christmas. It is going to be very much the case of guess what it is they are singing.

Squish

Despite an attempt to foil the spirit of Christmas by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (see other blog for lowdown, very low down) I decided to change plans and took the Hobbits into Edinburgh today rather than next weekend.

Good idea, bad idea? Well it isn't going to get any less busy for sure. I've always had a trip to the German Market as a birthday treat but the Hobbits' last swimming lesson is on that evening and I don't want them to miss that. So off we went.

I do like the atmosphere but certain people seem to lack the generosity and kindness of spirit that should go with Christmastime (STOP LAUGHING I'M SERIOUS!)

Anyhoo eldest Hobbit was most unimpressed at the amount of shoving he was experiencing. Only two shots on the Helter Skelter would ease the upset.

It was only after I got home that I realised youngest Hobbit must have brushed against a display in the WHSmith we were in and spent the day with a bright red and yellow "2 for £4" sticker on his bottom. Well at least I got the joke.

It Snowed

For about an hour.

Then it rained.

Now we have slush.

The cat is not amused.

I Said What?

The Foot-In-Mouth award goes to me this month (and very possibly this year.)



Whilst in pet shop to have a nosey at the cute bunnies and various furry and finned things I noticed the well-stocked shelves full of wild bird food. So did the Hobbits. After pointing out this and that for the well-to-do feathered visitor to our sparse garden I said, a little too loudly now I realise:



"Its okay though because Robin loves his fat balls."



Now to save a splutter over a keyboard if anyone is reading this I have to refer to these which I have hanging on our one lonely tree. Our yearly visiting robin (keep quiet at the back about robin lifespans thank you) feels we are truly spoiling him. And it is fun to watch the starlings try and get at them.



So I know what I meant, only the stares I got from the surrounding shoppers, plus the snigger from the staff-body who was nearby may have suggested I word it better next time. Sometimes what I say sounds so much better when it is running through the malfunctioning censor department in my brain.

The Cat Has Ideas

While we believe he is simply spending those 18 hours a day cuddled up on the sofa fast asleep, Cat is really scheming for world domination, or how to get those pouches open without needing me in the house at the time - whichever comes first.

He has never forgiven me for giving him the same name as an airhead shhlebrity socialite - hey, *she* wasn't famous 7 years ago matey!

Bounce

Eldest Hobbit fell down the stairs in a most spectacular fashion the other day.

There is a moment, when you realise the noise you are hearing is not a normal thumping of heavy size 12 feet but a rather different sound. Heart in mouth I literally leaped to the bottom of the stairs in time to see him end his cartwheel in a heap at my feet. Nothing was broken, the only memento he has are two bruises, one on his hip another on his knee.

I am ashamed to say he is not the first to take the express route. When they were 18 months old Youngest Hobbit escaped from the stair-gate (we binned the damn thing after it became apparent the adults in the house were the only ones to find it troublesome to open.) The next thing, that sound of child hitting steps, filled me with horror. I rushed him to hospital, sure I would be told that I had broken my own child and what an awful parent I was!

"Don't worry about it," the doctor said nonchalantly, "babies bounce."

I won't mention the fact that Eldest Hobbit's first visit to hospital happened after he dug his tiny 4-month-old feet into his changing table mat, gave an almighty push and shot off the end of it. Their hapless father was in charge that day, it very nearly ended him. Say no more.

Reasons To Be Thankful?

I'm not American, I've been there, lived there and partook (its a word if I say it is) in Thanksgiving when there. I also pondered if the Native Americans feel particularly cheery on this day but that is another matter.

So here I am, wondering what to be thankful for whilst glad I am not having to cook a grand feast so soon before Christmas (oh yes it all falls to me now.)

I am thankful for my freedom. (Not in an overly patriotic way but in a hey-I've-got-the-bed-to-myself way.)

I am thankful my boys are healthy and seem to be coming through these dark days relatively unscathed.

I am thankful...okay this is hard.

This week the fuel prices hit an eye-watering level. I would use public transport if I could, but I can't, so I get to pay these over-inflated prices - yipee.

The personal details of 25 million peeps, handily available on disc-size, has gotten lost. Fingers crossed that the criminal gangs that have been allowed to flourish unchallenged don't get their hands on it, eh? Perhaps the details of yours truly will get into the wrong hands, they'll have a nose around my bank account, think "bloody hell" and transfer some money in. Double fingers-crossed that in 10-15 years time neither Hobbit finds their identity stolen in time to ruin their clean and shiny credit rating.

Circumstances are still running on stress-level high. You think you know someone and then...

Our government, who hasn't enough money to offer cancer sufferers all the medicine they need has enough to bail out some bank. Do you think I could get them to "loan" me money? I'll promise to pay it all back when Northern Rock pay theirs, i.e. when hell freezes over and the camels come skating home.

Reasons to be thankful. The clouds are overhead and they don't look good. I've always liked Hello Kitty, perhaps if I concentrate on this picture, look into the eyes, not around the eyes, then things will seem cheerier.

Love Of Books

It would seem that both Hobbits have inherited my love of books. Something I will encourage with much enthusiasm.

At yesterdays birthday party eldest Hobbit had, in his goodie bag, a little book. He was delighted and so was I when I realised it was an updated version of books I had read when I was little too. The Littlenose series, with new artwork, is bound to be a favourite considering the Hobbits loved Ice Age (both films) with a particular fondness for the woolly mammoth!

Ex used to sneer at my love of books, the piles of books that cover every shelf, I used to point out that the reason they were called book shelves was an indication for what they were to be used for. I have books that belonged to my (maternal) Grandfather, his atlas he used at school in 1911. I have books given to me after my Uncle C died of cancer nearly 15 years ago, my Aunt knew they would get no better home and he had some classic books, lots of Nevil Shute. Books have given me solace when nothing else would; they offer a way of leaving this reality and entering another; involving yourself in the characters, the situations if only for a half hour at a time.

When I was ill in hospital having the Hobbits I read all the Harry Potter books that had been released until that point - 4 fyi! Not only that I read them to the Hobbits to the bemusement of everyone around me. They might not have know what I was saying, they might have been more concerned with the newborn priorities of food, sleep and poo, but I read to them anyway.

Nearly every night I have read to them, sometimes library books and sometimes from their own impressive bookshelves (charity shops are great places if you haven't a lot of money but want to get good childrens books plus I've added all my own books from childhood - the ones my mother didn't give away, the horror!) So from tonight Littlenose will be devoured...and I look forward to it!