Write about a lesson you've learned the hard way -
Again, so many to choose from: not relying on people, or trusting them, or believing what they say, or that they care about me but enough about my failed marriage. Aha!
Here's a lesson; don't expect things to happen by chance or because you think they should.
I was brought up to trust that life would work out. You grew up, got a job, got married, had a family, home, a quiet contented existence. That sounds so boring yet so comforting and at the moment that's the mood I'm in. Needing comfort. It wasn't an entrenched middle-class sense of entitlement although it might be sounding very like just that, I could think of nothing worse than being thought of in that demographic; we're not talking house prices and having a better car than the neighbours. Rather this is the plain blueprint my parents set out for me but then hid the plans so I had no idea how to achieve any of it and lacked the confidence to reach out for it.
So naturally I screwed the whole thing up.
Learning a lesson the hard way kind of ties in with everything I hope my sons have learned from me (Day 21). I hope they go for what they want rather than wait for permission because even now, on my own, it's as though I can't go ahead without that parental say so.
And that's f**ked up.
On a brighter note, a colleague is in the US just now for her friend's wedding. She's visiting the same area I lived in and it brought back some lovely memories. See, I've not been a complete loss but I wish I could have stayed there longer! I'd love to go back, visit old haunts and show my sons around, alas the familiar tale that has held me back so often - lack of funds. One day maybe, before the boys have flown the nest, time is running out.
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